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Memories of the Russian Court - an online book on Romanov Russia. Above: The Imperial family at Livadia in 1. I have seen it stated that I was born in Germany, and that my marriage to a Russian officer was arranged to conceal my nationality. I have also read that I was a peasant woman brought from my native Siberia to further the ambitions of Rasputin. The truth is that I am unable to produce an ancestor who was not born Russian. My father, Alexander Sergievich Taneyev, during most of his life, was a functionary of the Russian Court, Secretary of State, and Director of the Private Chancellerie of the Emperor, an office held before him by his father and his grandfather. My mother was a daughter of General Tolstoy, aide de camp of Alexander II. One of my immediate ancestors was Field Marshal Kutusov, famous in the Napoleonic Wars. Another, on my mother's side, was Count Kontaisov, an intimate friend of the eccentric Tsar Paul, son of the great Catherine. My father, aside from his official duties, had no interests apart from his home and his music, for he was a composer and a pianist of more than national fame. My earliest memories are of home evenings, my brother Serge and my sister Alya (Alexandra) studying their lessons under the shaded lamp, my dear mother sitting near with her needlework, and my father at the piano working out one of his compositions, striking the keys softly and noting down his harmonies. I thank God for that happy childhood which gave me strength of soul to bear the sorrows and sufferings of after years. For neighbors we had the Princes Galatzina and the Grand Duke and Grand Duchess Elizabeth, the last named being the older sister of the Empress. I hardly remember when I did not know and love the Grand Duchess Elizabeth, as she was familiarly called. As small children she petted and spoiled us all, often inviting us to tea, the feast ending in a grand frolic in which we were allowed to search the rooms for toys which she had ingeniously hidden. It was at one of these children's teas that I first saw the Empress Alexandra. Quite unexpectedly the Tsarina was announced and the beautiful Grand Duchess Elizabeth, leaving her small guests, ran eagerly to greet her. The time was near the beginning of the reign of Nicholas II and Alexandra Feodorovna, and the Tsarina was at the very height of her youthful beauty. My childish impression of her was of a tall, slender, graceful woman, lovely beyond description, with a wealth of golden hair and eyes like stars, the very picture of what an Empress should be. During this time we lived in winter in the Mikhailovsky Palace in Petrograd, and in summer in a small villa in Peterhof on the Baltic Sea. From conversations between my mother and father I learned a great deal of the life of the Imperial Family. The Empress impressed my father both by her excessive shyness and by her unusual intelligence. She was above all a motherly woman and often combined baby- tending with serious business affairs. With the little Grand Duchess Olga in her arms she discussed all kinds of business with my father, and while with one hand rocking the cradle where lay the baby Tatiana she signed letters and papers of consequence. Sometimes while thus engaged there would come a clear, musical whistle, like a bird call. It was the Emperor's special summons to his wife, and at the first sound her check would turn to rose, and, regard less of everything, she would fly to answer it. That birdlike whistle of the Emperor I became very familiar with in later years, calling the children, signaling to me. It had a curious, appealing, resistless quality, peculiar to himself. All of us children received a thorough musical education. From childhood we were taken regularly to concerts and the opera, and our home, especially on Wednesday evenings, was a rendezvous for all the musicians and composers of the capital. The great Tchaikovsky was a friend of my father, and I remember many others of note who were frequent guests at tea or dinner. In the Russia of my childhood a girl of good family was supposed to acquire a few pretty accomplishments and nothing much besides. Accomplishments I and my sister were given, but besides music and painting, for which my sister had considerable talent, we were well grounded in academic studies, and we finished by taking examinations leading to teachers' diplomas. I may say also that even in our drawing- room accomplishments we were obliged to be thorough, and when my father ventured to show some of our work to the Empress she expressed warm approval. In her first enthusiasm of power she thought to change things a little for the better. One of her early projects was a society of handwork composed of ladies of the Court and society circles, each one of whom should make with her own hands three garments a year to be given to the poor. The society, I am sorry to say, did not long flourish. The idea was too foreign to the soil. Nevertheless the Empress persisted in creating throughout Russia industrial centers, maisons de travail, where the unemployed, both men and women, and especially unfortunate women who, through errors of conduct, lost their positions, could find work. In fact it was at that time very gay. At seventeen I was presented, first to the Empress Dowager who lived in a palace in Peterhof known as the Cottage. Extremely shy at first, I soon accustomed myself to the many brilliant Court functions to which my mother chaperoned my sister and myself. We danced that first winter, I remember, at no less than twenty- two balls besides attending many receptions, teas, and dinners. Perhaps it was partly the fatigue of all this social dissipation which made so serious the illness with which in the ensuing summer I was stricken. Typhus, that scourge of Russia, struck down at the same time my brother Serge and myself. My brother's illness ran a normal course and he made a rapid recovery, but for three months I lay at death's door. After the fever succeeded many complications, inflammation of the lungs and kidneys, and an affection of the brain whereby I lost both speech and hearing. In the midst of my suffering I had a vivid dream in which the saintly Father John of Kronstadt appeared to me and told me to have courage and that all would finally be well. The gentle majesty of his presence, the beauty of his benign countenance had so deeply impressed me that now, in my desperate illness, it seemed to me that he, more than the skilled physicians and the devoted sisters who attended me, had power of help and healing. In some way I managed to convey to my parents that I wanted Father John, and they immediately telegraphed begging him to come. It was some days before the message reached him, as he was away from home on a mission, but as soon as he received word of our need he hastened to Peterhof. As in a vision I sensed his coming long before he reached the house, and when he came I greeted him without astonishment with a feeble movement of my hand. Father John knelt down beside my bed, praying quietly, a corner of his long stole laid over my burning head. At length he rose, took a glass of holy water, and to the consternation of the nurses sprinkled it freely over me and bade me sleep. Almost instantly I fell into a deep sleep, and when I awoke next day I was so much better that all could see that I was on the road to recovery. We lived in the same hotel with the Grand Duke Serge and Grand Duchess Elizabeth who were very much amused to see me in a wig, my long illness having rendered me temporarily almost bald. After a quiet but happy season in southern Italy I returned to Russia quite restored to health. The winter of 1. 90. In January of that year I received from the Empress the diamond studded chiffre of maid of honor, which meant that, following my marriage, I would have permanent entry to all Court functions. Not immediately but very soon afterwards I was called to duty to the person of the Empress, and there began then that dose and intimate friendship which I know lasted with her always and which will remain with me as long as God permits me to live. No photograph ever did her justice because it could reproduce neither her lovely color nor her graceful movements. Tall she was, and delicately, beautifully shaped, with exquisitely white neck and shoulders. Her abundant hair, red gold, was so long that she could easily sit upon it when it was unbound. Her complexion was clear and as rosy as a little child's. The Empress had large eyes, deep gray and very lustrous. It was only in later life that sorrow and anxiety gave her eyes the melancholy with which they are usually associated. In youth they wore an expression of constant merriment which explained her family nickname of . I began almost from the first day of our association to love and admire her, as I have loved her ever since and always shall. The ball was given first in the Hermitage, the great art gallery adjoining the Winter Palace, but so immense was its success that it had to be twice repeated, once in the Salle de Concert of the palace and again in the large ballroom of the Schermetiev Palace. My sister and I were two of twenty young girls selected to dance with twenty youthful cavaliers in an ancient Russian dance which required almost as much rehearsal as a ballet. The rehearsals were quite important society events, all the mothers attending, and the Empress often looking on as interested as any of us. She drove in a low pony chaise, coming up to my sickroom all in white with a big white hat and in the best of spirits. Needless to say, her unexpected visit did me a world of good, as did her second visit at our home in the country when she left me a gift of holy water from Sarov, a place greatly venerated by Russians. That winter with its artless pleasures, and the pleasant summer which followed, marked the end of an era in Russia. Immediately afterwards came the catastrophe of the Japanese War, so needlessly entered into.
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Soft Berlin light filters down through the great glass dome, past tourists ascending the spiral ramp, and into the main hall of parliament. Half the members’ seats are empty. At the lectern, a short, slightly hunched figure in a fuchsia jacket, black slacks, and a helmet of no- color hair is reading a speech from a binder. Angela Merkel, the Chancellor of the Federal Republic of Germany and the world’s most powerful woman, is making every effort not to be interesting.“As the federal government, we have been carrying out a threefold policy since the beginning of the Ukraine crisis,” Merkel says, staring at the binder. Her delivery is toneless, as if she were trying to induce her audience into shifting its attention elsewhere. Two days before the end of the First World War, with a Bolshevik revolution spreading across the country, a social- democratic politician interrupted his lunch inside the Reichstag, stood at a second- floor balcony, and declared the end of imperial Germany: “Long live the German republic!” The Reichstag was the turbulent seat of parliament through the Weimar era and into the start of Nazi rule, until, on the night of February 2. Germany’s new Chancellor, Adolf Hitler, rushed to the scene with his aide Joseph Goebbels and blamed the fire on the Communists, using the crisis to suspend civil liberties, crush the opposition, and consolidate all power into the Nazi Party. Parliament voted to render itself meaningless, and the Nazis never repaired the damaged building. At the end of the Second World War, the Soviets saw the Reichstag as the symbol of the Third Reich and made it a top target in the Battle for Berlin, laying heavy siege. A photograph of a Red Army soldier raising a Soviet flag amid the neoclassical statuary on the roof became the iconic image of German defeat. During the Cold War, the Reichstag—its cupola wrecked, its walls bullet- pocked—was an abandoned relic in the no man’s land of central Berlin, just inside the British sector. The Wall, built in 1. A minimal renovation in the sixties kept out the elements, but the Reichstag was generally shunned until the Wall came down, in 1. Then, at midnight on October 3, 1. President Richard von Weizs. Berlin became its capital. For the next decade, until the Bundestag began convening there officially, the Reichstag was reconstructed in an earnestly debated, self- consciously symbolic manner that said as much about reunified Germany as its ruin had said about the totalitarian years. The magnificent dome, designed by Norman Foster, suggested transparency and openness. The famous words on the colonnaded entrance, “DEM DEUTSCHEN VOLKE” (“To the German People”)—fabricated out of melted- down French cannons from the Napoleonic Wars and affixed during the First World War—were preserved out of a sense of fidelity to history. But, after parliamentary argument, a German- American artist was commissioned to create a courtyard garden in which the more modest phrase “DER BEV. During the Reichstag’s reconstruction, workers uncovered graffiti, in Cyrillic script, scrawled by Red Army soldiers on second- floor walls. After another debate, some of these were kept on display as historical reminders: soldiers’ names, “Moscow to Berlin 9/5/4. I fuck Hitler in the ass.”No other country memorializes its conquerors on the walls of its most important official building. Germany’s crimes were unique, and so is its way of reckoning with the history contained in the Reichstag. By integrating the slogans of victorious Russian soldiers into its parliament building, Germany shows that it has learned essential lessons from its past (ones that the Russians themselves missed). By confronting the twentieth century head on, Germans embrace a narrative of liberating themselves from the worst of their history. In Berlin, reminders are all around you. Get on the U- Bahn at Stadtmitte, between the Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe and the Topography of Terror Gestapo museum, and glance up at the train’s video news ticker: “8. PEN Club- Berlin forced into exile.” Like a dedicated analysand, Germany has brought its past to the surface, endlessly discussed it, and accepted it, and this work of many years has freed the patient to lead a successful new life. At the lectern, Merkel continues addressing parliament, recounting a meeting, in Brussels, of the Group of Seven, which has just expelled its eighth member, Russia, over the war in Ukraine. To the non- German speaker, she could be reading out regulatory guidelines for the national rail system. The Chancellor finishes to sustained applause and takes a seat behind the lectern, among her cabinet ministers. Merkel has lost weight—bedridden last winter after fracturing her pelvis in a cross- country- skiing accident, she gave up sausage sandwiches for chopped carrots and took off twenty pounds—and her slimmer face, with its sunken eyes and longer jowls, betrays her fatigue. She’s been Chancellor since 2. September, with no challenger in sight. After the Chancellor, it’s the turn of the opposition to speak—such as it is. The ruling coalition of Merkel’s Christian Democrats and the Social Democrats has eighty per cent of the seats in the Bundestag. The Greens, who did poorly in last year’s election, have had trouble distinguishing their agenda from Merkel’s, and often lend her support. On this day, the role of opposition is left to Die Linke, the leftist party of mostly former East German politicians, which has just ten per cent of parliament. Sahra Wagenknecht, an orthodox Marxist in a brilliant- red suit, steps behind the lectern and berates Merkel for her economic and foreign policies, which, she says, are bringing Fascism back to Europe. She then cites the French historian Emmanuel Todd: “Unknowingly, the Germans are on their way to again take their role as bringers of calamity for the other European peoples, and later for themselves.”Merkel ignores her. She’s laughing about something with her economics minister, Sigmar Gabriel, and her foreign minister, Frank- Walter Steinmeier, both Social Democrats. While Wagenknecht accuses the government of supporting Fascists in Kiev, Merkel gets up to chat with her ministers in the back row. She returns to her seat and rummages in an orange- red leather handbag that clashes with her jacket. When she glances up at Wagenknecht, it’s with a mixture of boredom and contempt. The speaker ends her jeremiad, and the only people to clap are the members of Die Linke, isolated in the far- left section of the chamber. One by one, Social Democratic and Green parliamentarians come forward to defend Merkel. Another woman from Die Linke throws a quote of Bertolt Brecht at G. The vice- president of the Bundestag orders the woman from Die Linke to observe protocol. Merkel keeps ignoring the exchange, at one point turning her back, at another leaving the hall. Later, German news accounts will speak of high drama in the normally drowsy Bundestag, but Merkel’s body language tells the story: the drama has been provided by an insignificant minority. Chancellor Merkel has the parliament under control. The historian Fritz Stern calls the era of reunification “Germany’s second chance”—a fresh opportunity to be Europe’s pre. Merkel seems perfectly matched to the demands of this second chance. In a country where passionate rhetoric and macho strutting led to ruin, her analytical detachment and lack of apparent ego are political strengths. On a continent where the fear of Germany is hardly dead, Merkel’s air of ordinariness makes a resurgent Germany seem less threatening. Germans call the Chancellor Mutti, or Mommy. The nickname was first applied by Merkel’s rivals in the Christian Democratic Union as an insult, and she didn’t like it, but after Mutti caught on with the public Merkel embraced it. While most of Europe stagnates, Germany is an economic juggernaut, with low unemployment and a resilient manufacturing base. The ongoing monetary crisis of the euro zone has turned Germany, Europe’s largest creditor nation, into a regional superpower—one of Merkel’s biographers calls her “the Chancellor of Europe.” While America slides into ever- deeper inequality, Germany retains its middle class and a high level of social solidarity. Angry young protesters fill the public squares of countries around the world, but German crowds gather for outdoor concerts and beery World Cup celebrations. Now almost pacifist after its history of militarism, Germany has stayed out of most of the recent wars that have proved punishing and inconclusive for other Western countries. The latest E. U. American politics is so polarized that Congress has virtually stopped functioning; the consensus in Germany is so stable that new laws pour forth from parliament while meaningful debate has almost disappeared.“The German self- criticism and self- loathing are part of the success story—getting strong by hating yourself,” Mariam Lau, a political correspondent for the weekly newspaper Die Zeit, told me. She’s part of the self- re. These qualities, though making her an outsider in German politics, also helped to propel her extraordinary rise. Yet some observers, attempting to explain her success, look everywhere but to Merkel herself. Her father, Horst Kasner, was an official in the Lutheran Church, one of the few institutions that continued operating in both Germanys after the postwar division of the country. Serious and demanding, he moved the family across the frontier just a few weeks after Angela’s birth—and against his wife’s wishes—to take up ecclesiastical duties in the German Democratic Republic. That year, almost two hundred thousand East Germans fled in the other direction. Kasner’s unusual decision led West German Church officials to call him “the red minister.” Joachim Gauck, a former East German pastor and dissident, who, in 2. Case Tractors Information - SSB Tractor Forumcase 4. C lose steering. 10. Case power sift problemscase 6. Case backhoe arm cylinder slow operation. Case 6. 80ck fuel starvation. Case 8. 01 fore sale. Brake failure after master cylinder replacement. 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Crown Pinion torque spec . Case ih farmall 9. Can running too lean destroy an engine. Case 5. 80 super e not getting fuel. Case narrow front 5. Case 5. 80 Alt draws excessive curretfarmall 1. Case IH fans help me! Case 5. 80. SEcase 9. Case 5. 80c rear axlecase 5. No Lights 5. 80 secase 3. J I Case 4. 4LWelding thumb onto Case 5. Case IH 4. 84. 81. J I Case Model 7. Tractor wont start. Case 5. 80 KCase 6. PTO1. 95. 2 case tractor vac 1. CK safety switch? CK Series B1. 99. K case backhoe. 58. SERANITOUTOFFUELtoe adjustment 5. SL? CASE 5. 80 BRAKE PROBLEMcase 4. Case 5. 80 construction king. Case 4. 80 B Hydraulic power pump fluid. Case 5. 30. TC2. 09. Case 5. 80 CK Backhoe Removal (no power)over heating 9. Case 1. 53. 7 Oil Chgint. LCase 5. 80ck fuel problem. B - Carb Rebuild Kit.. Which One? Front tire wear? Tach 5. 80 se. Case 5. Case 5. 80 Super K and Super L Backhoe Swapcase super e. Case 5. 80. Kcase ih 5. C dsl torquesinjector torque specs for 8. Case 6. 80 high converter temp/ tranny oilbrake adjustment on super E Backhoecase 1. STX4. 50 quadtrac case tractor. PTO Case 5. 80. CVAC 1. Case 5. 80. CK backhoecase 5. Roosa Master. JX5. Questions about 1. Case backhoe loader. Spring Tooth Drag. Case 5. 80 SE Fuel Leak at Injector. My serial number is 8. Fuse location 5. 80 secase 5. Cast Iron Eagle. 58. Super E brakes. Internationall 6. IH hydraulics. 58. K forward drive piston. Case 4. 10 Gearshiftwhat model is this ? Case 5. 80. E steering issues. How to switch pto shaft on 1. Case tractor. 58. Case 7. 50 Truscavator. Case 7. 50 Truscavatorcase 1. IH cx 1. 00. David Brown 3. CASE w 5/8. 5. 80c Head removal problem. Case 4. 00 - No Start. Hydraulics. 19. 69 case ck. Case 1. 84. 5C Loader valve problem. Case 2. 29. 0 Hydraulic Charge Pump Drive Gearchanging clutch on case 9. Case 1. 27. 0 Transmission Questions. Case 2. 09. 0 Tilt Hood. Case 4. 80. ELLCase 4. Tractor & extras. Case 6. 80 ck. Case 6. Re Leaking Pump. Case 5. SE fuel Injector leak. Frontend Loader on 1. Case. 15. 70 lift won't lowercase 3. Roosa Master injector pump leaktorque head and rocker bolts on 5. D cooling system pressure. Fan Belt 5. 80. D4. CASE 1. 17. 0 fuse panel. Case 5. 30 brakes. CASE MX1. 70. Case 8. Power Steering Fluid 9. Casecase 4. 30 will not start. Case 2. 39. 4 clutch Lights on 5. SLCase Backhoethrowout bearing for Case 3. SK steering oil. Aj, Garden tractorhyd resivoir circ. Case David Brown 1. Case 5. 80 K noise in 4th gear Case 5. E and K Cummins engine swap question. CASE IH 8. 85 compliance plateremoving hydraulic pump coupler from 5. B backhoeremoving hydraulic pump coupler from case 5. BRe Davis Fleetline Trencher hyd releif valvehyd releif valve. B 1. 96. 2 case. 58. RHi need case 1. 39. RHi need case 1. 39. RHcase 1. 84. 5b skid steer. K back hoecase 3- point hitch problemneed some information. Case SI timingremoval of power steering cylinders. Thanks to AJ case 4. DC Casethankscase 5. Case MXM 1. 30 trans overheatingdc case enginereturn line leaki need a power steering pump for case 1. Case I/H part prints and full documentationcase 9. Case 4. 30 Diesel. David Brown. Rethread belt onto tension pulley for Case 1. Rethread belt onto tension pulley for Case 1. Case 5. 30ck hydraulic clutch problem. David Brown. 10. 30 case clutch adjustment. C 9. D7. 06. 65. Case 5. G no oil pressure. CK Transmission. Lost Hydrulicsdistributor for SC Case tractorcase ih rear hitch 7. Case 5. 80 super E won't start. Case 5. 84 CK Forklift case loader will not rev up. David Brown 1. 21. Engine wont runwanted hydraulic flow meter. David Brown 8. 80 selectomaticcase 4. Case 6. 85 shifting pattern. Case 5. 80. B making engine noise loss powercase 2. Case 3. 10. D Crawler/Dozer. Case 3. 10. D Crawler/Dozer. Case 5. 80ck diesel case 4. B stuck in reverse. Installed rear main seal and expansion plug. Case 7. 30 draft- o- matic. CK backhoecase shuttle shiftb. Case 4. 89. 0 shifting problem. Case 5. 80. CKCase 1. C High Idle. Case 1. C High Idle. Injection pump Regulating valve assemblyextendahoe on 5. CHAINS ON 5. 80. Ccase 5. C Injector Pump Stuck. Hydraulic Pump Problem on Case VAC Tractorcase 1. Mechanic did wrong,and I NEED HELP on detail's of a engine overhual(cummins 4- 3. F Lost Drivecase o matic partscaso omatic partswhat year is my 4. SE Hyd. Pump.. losing power. Elecrtical prob. early 6. Kcase 6. 80. ECase 5. RPM Drop on 1. 99. Case IH 4. 95david brown 9. Case 5. 40- H tractor parts? Case Tractorcase 5. L series 2 powershift transmission. Fuel Filters on a 5. K1. 98. 4 case 2. Case 5. 80 backhoe control valve. Case 4. 69. 4 pulling wayyy too hard???? Case Tool G1. 35. Case 5. 80- c ck slips in forward gearscase 5. D boom power. Wheres the fusebox at on a case 4. Case 5. 90 Super M w/extend a hoe joystick controlledcase 9. JX5. 5 differential lock won't release. CASE 1. 17. 0 differential lock? Case 9. 30 wont stay running. Wanted CHarge pump for case 5. III used. Shift Pattern. Manual Case 5. 80. Greplacement of clutch case 1. Case 4. 30 wiyh case loader, bucket won't tilt. Access to hydraulic hose fittingsswing cylinders 5. CAirport Cargo Conveyorcase 4. Case IH 1. 14. 0 Hydraulic Fluidcase 6. Case 2. 09. 0 starved for fuel. Case IH 9. 56 xl brakes. Case. 19. 59 case 6. Case 5. 30 starting problem. Case CC water pump. Case 5. 80 shuttle leak. WHEEL CLAMPS FOR 1. CASE VACHead bolt torque setting & valve lash settings for 1. B Case Backhoe. 18- 3. Case Cross Motor firing ordersuction strainer. Case 5. 80. E Backhoe injector pump trouble's?? Who knows EQUIPMENT?? Case 1. 84. 5 for sale, with full enclosure 1. Case 8. 30 Speed Regulator. Case 8. 30 Speed Regulator. JD haybine to Case 7. BCase 8. 30 Speed Regulator. Case 5. 80. K transaxle. Case 5. 30 steering problem. Case 6. 80. E coolant in engine oilcase 5. III shuttle rebuildmixed up hydraulic lines Case 1. Case 2. 59. 0Case 5. C only running at idle speed. Fuel pump question. Case 5. 80. C belt replacement. David Brown. 88. 0 selectimatic==pto wont engage/ grinding gearsdiagram for roosa injecter pump off a 1. Case CX9. 0 loses power. Case 5. 80 B (Trans)hydraulic fluid getting into crankcase? KWhat is it? Case 4. Fuel leaking at fan belt assy. Case 5. 80. B more shuttle questions. Hydraulic Pump - Case 5. Csteering pump - Case 5. Ccase 5. 80b shuttle questions. Ingersoll Rand 4. B shuttle problems.. Please Help!!! case ih flag. SK planetary hub cover. Brakes getting air in system. B Shuttle. Case 3. B Lift Armsproblem with wiring 1. Case IH 6. 85- Power Steering Problem. Case 5. 80. B Transmision Shuttlepower shuttle. Case tachometer. 3 point trailer hitchcase 2. Hauling Tractors in box truck or box trailer (semi)Changing out hydraulic sealscase 4. Case 5. 80. C Stearing Pump. Case VAC- 1. 94. 6- 6 volt coil. Case 5. 80 super e Backhoe.. Drive train leaking. Dip stickcase 3. 50 brakesweight of Case D4. Removing backhoe from 5. Cinternational 6. Super L wont startcase 4. Case 1. 37. 0 (1. E Transmissioncase steering problem 3. Pull stop lever cable broken. Case 6. 80 backhoecase 1. Case 1. 39. 4 clutchshift fork for a 1. There's some other site that beckons, maybe one that features celebrity milkshakes or cute weasel gifs. We understand, we do. Daddy's Rules for Dating My Daughter. I got a comment on an old post yesterday from a fellow father of daughters. For some reason it reminded me of these rules so I went and dug them up. I didn't write them and if I could credit the person who did I would but I have no idea who he is. I think they've been around since the days when jokes circulated through the office via Xerox rather than email. For fathers of daughters they are timeless. And I know my daughter would be better off as well! Watch Daddy's dating rules other videos funny video in SiliconIndia Humor section. Daddy's Rules for Dating Your dad's rules for your boyfriend. Daddy's Rules of Dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup. Dad Rules For Dating DaughterRules For Dating My DaughterRule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do no, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a . Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Texan Daddy's Ten Rules for Dating His Daughter. I raised her, I love her, I will protect her, so Boys Take Note!! Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you. My daughter is. Daddy's Rules for Dating. Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy). But on issues relating to my daughter. Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: . This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T- shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle- aged, dimwitted has- been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all- knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. |
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